Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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