I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
