I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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