How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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