when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
