I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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