I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
