dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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