maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is classic penis vs brain.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
