he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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