if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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