I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
