It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
