this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
