but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
