goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Randomize
