So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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