At least make sure they are 18
Why
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
