I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
