i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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