Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
