Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
only if we run a train.
done.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
