She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
