NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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