Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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