so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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