my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He better not be in your backpack
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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