I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
