im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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