Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
