you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
