you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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