So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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