Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Soap is not a condiment
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
