yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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