it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
