oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
