his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
