So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
