is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
