oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
