If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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