Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
