Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My feet surprised me
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