She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
