Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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