Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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