the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
