And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
