bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
